by Alice B. Heinzen
Focus on the snow, not the rocks
The Skiing Lesson
Several years ago, my parents took my siblings and me skiing in CO for the first time. Dad was an expert skier and had high hopes that his children would also find great joy in this sport. He did all he could to get us excited about skiing in the mountains. He told us remarkable stories about his skiing adventures and showcased the sport with movies and magazines.
Dad took us to a great resort for our first try at mountain skiing. On the first morning, Dad skied in front of us, showing us where and how to turn. He had a wonderful way of navigating the steep terrain and showing us how we could confidently do the same. By lunch time, we all thought we could achieve Dad’s dream – to be great skiers.
After lunch, Dad promised us an even greater skiing thrill. He took us to the very top of the mountain. He waved us under a rope that seemed to mark the perimeter of the area. Trusting in him completely, we ducked under the rope and followed him. For those of you who are skiers, Dad was taking us into the “back country” or the ungroomed area that is designated for experts or idiots only.
Shortly thereafter, we came to a ridge of snow that was bordered by rocky ledges. The open trails that we had skied all morning were now replaced by narrowed and harrowing pipelines of deep, virgin snow. We all started to sweat.
Sensing our concern, Dad assured us that we were able to do this. He said that he would go first and show us how to navigate this particular section of snow. He pushed off and carved a path for us to follow. He stopped below us and waved his pole signaling that we should follow. My oldest sister went first and immediately fell. My brother went next, making it a bit farther before falling. My other sister went next, tears in her eyes. She, too, fell.
I froze. Dad yelled at me to go. I yelled back, “Are you crazy? Don’t you see those rocks? I will die if I come down.” He yelled back, “but you have to come – you can’t stay there.” I yelled back, “Oh yes I can! It beats crashing into the rocks and dying!” I could not move because I had no confidence in my ability to miss the rocks and live. Finally, my Dad yelled up, “Alice – you are focusing on the wrong thing. Stop looking at the rocks. Look at the snow. The snow is the path that you need to follow. It will bring you safely to me.”
With these inspiring words – look at the snow – I was refocused. I had confidence to attempt the slope. It wasn’t pretty, but I made it down safely.
Inspiring Confidence in Marriage by Focusing on the Snow, Not the Rocks
Inspiring confidence in marriage is rather like this skiing story. The best way to attract people and garner their attention is through a positive rather than a negative presentation. Addressing the negative side of marriage does little to interest people in the truth about matrimony. Even though the dark side may be more juicy and sensational, it drives people away from the truth about traditional marriage. The best practice is to initiate conversations about marriage with the spot-on goodness that flows from marriage as defined by God.
Why is it necessary to first emphasize the rich and beautiful teachings of the Catholic Church on marriage? The simple answer is that many people today have been raised in a culture of relativism with a tendency to guide their reasoning with sentimentality rather than logic. Leading with the beauty of marriage is more likely to engage the passions of the individual which, in turn, is more likely to effectively engage the reason and will.
Today’s culture has been trained to look at the rocks rather than the snow. As a result, most Catholics today are unable to explain or defend the Catholic Church teachings on marriage. Many have lost sight of marriage as the natural foundation for the family. There is a growing acceptance of narcissism which makes it very difficult to portray authentic love as something more than sentimentality. As confusion about gender issues builds, people find it more difficult to live in harmony with their God-given gifts and charisms. And, most sadly, a great majority of persons have settled for an inferior version of sexual love that is incapable of true human fulfillment.
Without doubt, it is time for people of good faith to learn about the beauty of marriage. In particular, they need to hear repeated explanations about God’s exquisite plan for marital love. They need examples that illustrate the importance of marriage to the Church and to society. They need to be assured by Church leadership that taking the risk to go against the culture brings authentic joy.
People, especially our young adults, need to be convinced that they are up to the challenge of being wedded to one person for the rest of their lives and that they can be great parents and raise happy, healthy and holy children. They deserve frank messages from the pulpit referring to marriage as hard work that is well worth the effort. This group needs to be directed to Scripture readings and Church teachings that bring clarity to God’s plan for marriage and family. They should be pointed to secular research that confirms that children raised by their biological, married parents do better than those who don’t have that security. All of these will edify and attract them to the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony.
Imagine how the culture could change if priests, deacons and religious spoke with gratitude and enthusiasm about the wedded state. Think what might happen if parishes offered a prayer at every Mass for the vocation of marriage. Contemplate how young people might become interested in traditional marriage if clergy everywhere revered marriage through monthly anniversary celebrations that highlight the faithful witness of couples who are actually making marriage work in today’s world.
We all know that it is much easier to explain what is wrong about something than it is to illustrate its goodness. And yet, Saint Paul reminds us that we should focus on the best and live accordingly.
…whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me. Then the God of peace will be with you(Phil 4:8, 9).
Imploring God’s grace and mercy for the preservation of the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, let us pray for the brave ones who are called to enter into and live its mystery.